You have probably heard debates about the risks and rewards of age gap relationships, but what about “swag” gap relationships?
No, we haven’t been transported back to the mid-2010s, and no, this has nothing to do with Justin Bieber‘s recent album of the same name.
It instead comes from TikTok users recently posting about the negative effects of being with a partner who has less “swag” than you.
A “swag gap relationship” refers to a romantic relationship where one partner is significantly cooler than the other. This can be in relation to their fashion sense, overall personality, or both, though it is often heavily focused on outward appearance in the posts.
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“I’m not worried about an age gap relationship. Like I’m grown, I can handle myself,” TikTok user @itsalmondmilkhunni said in a video. “What I am worried about is a swag gap relationship. Never again.”
“Having me showing up in public looking swagged out, looking fly, I have a cool outfit. And then my partner just looks an effing mess behind me,” she continued, “and it’s not just clothes, too, it’s an aura and an energy […] that’s just a boundary of mine, I will never be in a swag gap relationship [again].”
She then went on to explain that the pitfalls of being in a swag gap relationship, explaining that it can be physically and mentally draining as well as ‘”take a toll on your swag.”
Being in a swag gap relationship can mean a number of negative experiences: everything from being mildly embarrassed by how your partner dresses and acts at a party to realizing you have fundamental differences in interests or expectations for what your priorities will be in life.
“I am glad we’re shedding light to, like, swag gap relationships,” user @tatianamarie said in another TikTok. “Because it is actually not fun, as pretentious as it sounds, for me to bring to the table, like, all my fun, cool, niche interests, and then there’s like a progression of: someone thinks I’m cool for it and then is interested in me, then makes fun of me for it […] and then, after all of that, jacks my swag, takes my interests, [and] brings them to the next one.”
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While the concept originated as a way of classifying romantic relationships, some users have even extended the concept to friendships.
“You can’t be friends with someone if there’s a swag gap because they’ll end up psycho trying to become you,” TikTok user @daishagutierrez wrote as the on-screen text in a video, followed by a caption saying she “learned the hard way.”
Even Justin Bieber, who often uses the term “swag” so much so that he named two albums after it, has been accused of having a swag-gap-presenting relationship with him seen trailing behind his wife Hailey Bieber in an arguably swag-less gray sweatsuit while she wears a trendy outfit consisting of a mini dress and high heels.
While so-called victims of swag gap relationships are staunchly against it, can avoiding the swag gap really be seen as a hard-and-fast rule?
In an article for Psychology Today, Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A. says it’s important to look at the big picture when questioning a swag gap in your relationship.
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“Keep in mind that style is a very subjective thing,” Lee wrote in the article. “What’s considered cool in one group or community could be ho-hum or even uncool in another. What’s considered trendy is often what’s pushed by celebrities, marketers, and others seeking to make money.”
“If you find yourself bothered by a swag gap, try first talking to your partner,” Lee continued. “Maybe your partner is completely unaware of his or her unstylish ways and would welcome a makeover. […] At the same time, try to understand specifically why the swag gap bothers you. If being around someone stylish is really that important and core to you, then yes, maybe a swag gap is a real problem. […] Ultimately, finding the right relationship is about really knowing yourself and identifying the right match for you for things that really matter. Maybe your partner doesn’t have that much style but more than makes up for it in substance.”
